Round 7 - Mens Social - London Swans vs Dees

Xav Holland | 30.06.22

Demons 11.10.76 def London Swans 0.2.2

Sit down old friend, and let me tell you a tale. A tale of love, forgiveness, companionship and redemption. A tale of not the few, but the many. A tale so tall, not even the Gods themselves could reach. It is a tale of course, of AKTO missing a goal from 2mins in front under no pressure.

But before we get onto that, some other stuff happened. 

The Super 3's headed out to Hackney to face the London Swans last Saturday. The team set off Friday morning from Clapham Common to ensure we arrived on time. Like the Fellowship of the Ring they trekked across mountainous peaks, walked through blizzards, and traversed muddy bogs in order to get out to the arse end of London. Just like the Fellowship battled against the greatest evil in Middle Earth, our Fellowship did the same, as we came up against the greatest evil in AFL London....the dreaded £5 for a pulled pork roll. Not to be dissuaded, this Super 3's team were going to finger the ring and face their foe head on.

It all began when Morgan Jeffrey rocked up at O'Neill's with a head like a paper airplane, with straight lines and edges all around, signifying that he had nothing better to do on a Friday than get a £60 haircut. From that point on we knew we were going to have a good day. You can't lose a game of football after a fresh cut, everyone knows that. And we thank you Morgs for your sacrifice.

Arriving at the Hackney Marshes, the stage was set for an epic duel against our cross-town rivals, only for it to be confirmed 5mins before the game that the majority of hosts were unable to play due to various hilarious events happening to them. One player was kept busy saving a lady whose house was on fire, one player fell down the Springfield mystery spot, Clemens started acting like a chicken and Darryl Strawberry's head was too big to play. In any case, their misfortunes would be to our advantage, as we took the field 14 a side with a Demons bench the size of Tate Skinner's juvenile rap sheet.

The first quarter was rather underwhelming, with a breeze punching us all in the face. It was a mighty breeze my friends, let me tell you. It was so strong the Wildcats tried to report it for umpire abuse. Incredible! We still managed to kick a couple snags, the first one coming from debutant Oli Lewey who banged one through from 40 out. A solid debut from a bloke playing in what looked to be tattered curtains sewn together masquerading as shoes.

The second quarter saw a better effort, mainly down to Tony White forgetting he had an opponent and the Swans choosing to believe he was more an apparition rather than a physical being, as to the attention he was given the entire day. Whitey had about 50 disposals and the only contested one was when he high-fived himself after he kicked a goal. Special mention goes to Harry Pearce who didn't think he was going to get votes, so he cut his forehead open with a rock so he looked tough to the selectors. Did it work? Only time will tell.

Although we were in front and had one point scored against us, I baked the team at halftime regardless, as is tradition.

The second half was more to our liking, as the master stroke of making Tom Platts accountable paid off with him running amok in the guts. Fintan McGrath succumbed to what hopefully isn't a season ending injury. It's hard to know with Fin whether he is injured or the spell the witch cast against him 500 years is finally wearing off. Either way we hope for the best for the great man.

JT came into the fray as he nabbed one from a set shot and then preceded to do the old finger point to the crowd of the opponents Whitey had all day, so he just finger waved about 6 patches of air. John Dillon was solid in his return for the season and new fella Brendan McGrath cleaned it up all day. We saved the best to last when clubman Shane Chalmers nabbed one from the boundary to rapturous applause. Pete Murray put the cue in the rack after kicking two, citing the fact he is old and couldn't be bothered anymore. He got some ice on a hammy to further entrench his ruse to get on the beers early.


A good day out. The threes now have a fortnight off and come up against a season defining game against Reading. With top two on the line... the perfect time to rest some of these old legs.

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